


Charmed

by thishasnomeaning



Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, The Song of the Lioness - Tamora Pierce, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, use of magic as a means of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 19:05:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4798913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thishasnomeaning/pseuds/thishasnomeaning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a smile only just on his lips but already noticeable in his eyes, Roger invited Alex to sit opposite to him. “Alexander of Tirragen, you might wonder why I wanted you to come here,” he said.<br/>When Roger spoke to him, Alex felt strangely warm and invited. Charmed. Charmed! Alex regained his analytical thought process for a moment: Roger is a sorcerer and he can charm you.  It is what he is doing right now. Think twice before agreeing with him, Alex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Charmed

Young Prince Jonathan’s riding accident was the talk of the castle.

The official version was that the prince had been careless enough to ride off into the forest all on his own. Alexander of Tirragen knew that this was not true. He had seen the Duke of Conté accompanying the Prince. He had also seen how the Prince and the Duke had left the King’s chambers after the incident – Roger of Conté being all happy and cheerful while the Prince was desperately trying to protect his tears from sight.

He had never spoken to the Prince before, but this time Alex felt that he should. He confronted the Prince about what he’d seen. Told him that he believed that Roger had treated the Prince unfairly.

“I did what chivalry required of me. I protected a man who is lower in rank than I am from my father’s scorn.”

“The Duke of Conté should have admitted that he was with you when the accident happened. Ridiculing a Prince in front of his father and putting the blame on an innocent boy – how chivalrous is that? Your Highness shouldn’t mingle with such cowards. Bad company only makes worse kings. Or dead ones.”

“You may stop calling me ‘Your Highness’. My name is Jon.”

 

*

 

“Stop your sorcery lessons with the Duke of Conté.” Jon was startled. He expected people to speak to him with a little more respect even if they were friends with him, like Alex was.

“You’re only jealous. You want to be best at everything, but this time you can’t. Because you don’t have the gift.”

Alex frowned. “How long have you been studying with him? Two months?”

“Yes, about two months.”

“In which way are you now better at defending yourself against magic attacks when two months ago?”

Jon thought about it. He wasn’t any better at that at all, actually. “At the moment we’re doing theory of magic.”

“You’re the prince. Naturally people want your position. You need protection. And he wastes time teaching you theory? Don’t you think that’s a little obvious?`”

“Alex, what exactly are you implying?”

“That he is your cousin. Nearest male relative. If I was this close to the throne I wouldn’t care about teaching you protection either.”

“You have just committed high treason, Alex.”

“And here I thought high treason was what I was trying to prevent.”

 

*

 

Roger sat near the window, looking outside, his face lit by beams of warm afternoon sunlight. He wore a coat in a bright red colour with a tinge of purple to it and delicate golden embroidery on the hem.

_He’s attractive_ , Alex thought, and: _He looks young_. _Not innocent. Pretending to be innocent. Nearly succeeding in appearing so. Playful. Yes, playful. Skilled at strategy games. He’s definitely of interest to me._

With a smile only just on his lips but already noticeable in his eyes, Roger invited Alex to sit opposite to him. “Alexander of Tirragen, you might wonder why I wanted you to come here,” he said.

When Roger spoke to him, Alex felt strangely warm and invited. Charmed. Charmed! Alex regained his analytical thought process for a moment: _Roger is a sorcerer and he can charm you.  It is what he is doing right now. Think twice before agreeing with him, Alex._

“I’m not going to question your motives, Highness. It would be an honour if you shared them with me.” Roger smiled to that. Alex was almost stunned for a moment, tangled within Roger’s charm. _He likes if people act submissive around him. Definitely do question his motives. He’s dangerous._

“Fine. I want you to be my squire.”

“There is only one year left before my ordeal. As of now, I already am someone’s squire. You’re not a knight, but a sorcerer. Don’t you think this to be an odd request?”

“I thought you were not going to question me.” Roger’s features hardened slightly.

Alex lowered his gaze. “That was not my intention, Highness.” Roger looked pleased, charming.

“It was not my intention at all.” Roger looked more pleased. Alex could feel Roger’s charm touching his skin, invading him until he could feel the warm glow that seemed to surround Roger inside himself. It made him feel good. _Don’t give in so easily, Alex. I don’t like that he’s able to do that to people. This is very dangerous._

“You’re the best of the squires. And the most intelligent. I do believe that I have the right to choose the best.”

“We’re talking business. Stop kissing my ass.”

“Quite frankly, I also believe that I have the right to kiss your ass if I wish to.” Roger put on a lusting grin. If it was lust for him or lust for winning some type of power game, Alex wasn’t sure. No. He was sure. It was the latter. Alex didn’t mind. He better should.

“You’re also the most handsome of the squires.”

“I can’t imagine how this should be of any relevance.”

“It is, if you’ve developed a habit of bedding your squires. May I kiss you?” What a question! All dizzy and charmed, Alex felt as if he’d die if Roger _didn’t_ kiss him. _Think about it. This is a trap. He wants to bind you to him and he’s using your emotions. Say no and flee this room._

“Why are you pondering?” Roger’s voice went soft. He reached over to grab one of Alex’s hands. Alex felt a wave of magic streaming through his body.

“Yes, you may,” Alex said. Then, he added in a low voice: “I’m yours to command.”

Roger kissed Alex. It was a quick kiss. Alex felt teased by the tip of Roger’s tongue that only just touched his lips. “Join me on my bed, squire.”

“For a kiss? I wouldn’t say that’s necessary.”

“Oh, it will not only be a kiss.”

“I’m not… I’ve never done this before.”

Suddenly, there was a look in Roger’s eyes that was frightening. The magic that still filled Alex’s body turned cold. It was haunting him now.

“Will you do as I say?” Alex felt his body freeze.

“Yes, my lord.”

“Then go to my bed. This is a royal order.”

Alex did as he was told. He hoped that Roger would turn his magic warm again, but he didn’t bother to do so. Roger didn’t kiss Alex at all.

By the time when Alex was allowed to put on his clothes again, Roger said, all nice and charming once again: “I’m the nephew of the king and the Duke of Conté. Do you believe that you, Alexander of Tirragen, are in any position to reject my offer of taking you as a squire?”

No, Alex didn’t think that he could.

“I will be your squire, Highness.”

“Fine,” Roger smiled again, charmingly. “If you turn out to be useful to me, I will kiss you.” Alex wanted to be useful to Roger. To gain that kiss.  And to feel the warmth and bliss that Roger’s gift could provoke. He was disgusted at himself. He shouldn’t want that kiss any longer. He shouldn’t be manipulated so easily. And yet he was.

“I feel cold.”

“I guessed as much.”

“Can you make it go away?”

“I can.”

“Will you?”  Alex put the most subservient tone he could manage in his voice . “I beg you, my lord.”

Roger shook his head. “No, not entirely.” He did smile at Alex though and with that smile he took away a bit of that coldness from Alex. Just enough to make Alex function. Not enough to make any good feelings return.

“What do I need to do?”

“Make me king.”

Alex thought about it. Maybe that could be arranged. Until then… He didn’t want to think about his life until then. Or after, when he wasn’t needed anymore. He imagined that Roger would be the type of king who’d kill people who knew too much.

_I will never get his kiss_ , Alex thought. He would turn out to be right.

 

*

 

Roger made a habit of summoning his squire to his bed. At first that happened only once a week but soon enough the nights Alex spent in the Duke’s bed got more and more frequent. Alex hated it. One night Alex sat on Roger’s bed, still clothed, limbs already stiff and shaking. Roger fed him sweets and forced a small goblet of Alex’ favourite wine into him. He only ever did so if he wanted to try something especially gross or painful on his squire afterwards. Tears ran down Alex’ cheek.

“What’s the matter, squire? Am I not good enough a lover for you?”

“I really don’t like it. Please stop molesting me, my lord.”

“You’re lucky. Your mind is very open to magical influence. I can make you like it. I can make you love me.”

“You can’t.”

“I’ve spent months getting to know you. I’ve figured out how you work by now. I can change the food you like and dislike, I can change your preferred style of clothing, I can change the way you speak. I can make you hate your own friends. I could make you forget your own name if I wanted to do so. I can definitely make you love me.”

Alex felt a shiver creeping down his spine. Roger was right. He did wear different clothes than he used to, now. His new clothes fitted him better. They highlighted everything that was handsome about him. It was as if he was dressing up for Roger. He had also lately taken a liking to expensive wine. Whenever he drank a bit too much of that he found it difficult to resist Roger’s more outlandish whishes. As for his friends… He hardly ever spent time with them now and if he did he felt as if they didn’t know him very well anymore.

“Don’t you want to enjoy it? I only need to get a little further into your mind. You could invite me. Don’t you want to invite me? If you don’t, I will break in. But I need to warn you: That hurts. Badly.”

Alex knew better than to invite the Duke of Conté into anywhere inside him. „Since you’re going to break in, I need to tell you something as long as I still can: I hate you, Roger.“

“What did you say?

Alex’ voice turned out loud this time. Too loud for a squire speaking to his master, but that didn’t bother Alex. “I hate you, _my lord_.”

Roger smiled at him. “No, no, I wanted to know what you _really_ meant to say.” Alex felt a wave of coldness, deep, dark, threatening coldness build up inside him. “Tell me.” Roger looked Alex in his eyes with a look that was so innocent. And that caused Alex so much pain. “How do you really feel about me?”

Alex felt his heart turn to ice. He couldn’t resist Roger’s wish any longer. “I love you, my lord.”

“You don’t sound like you mean it. Tell me again. Look me in the eyes. And smile.” Roger’s charm was not only turning Alex cold from inside now, it was actively hurting him. He felt sick as if he was going to puke. He had visions about people dying. His mother. His father. His friends. Prince Jonathan. Himself. And there was pain. Pain like he never felt before, all over his body. He feared for his life.

Alex had to pretend. And he had to be convincing, this time. “I love you, _my king_.”

Roger’s expression was one of delight. “I will never leave you alone, squire. I promise.”

It was a threat. At first. Then Roger turned the effects of his charm around completely. Alex felt a wave of joy and delight crush his body, a warmth that was so intense yet never turned into hurtfully burning heat. “I love you.” Alex said it again and again. It was not difficult at all. Then he felt the warmth in his cock, turning joy and delight into a sudden wave of desire. “Fuck me”, he said.

Roger gave him the most handsome smile. “How could I ever think of denying my most obedient squire such a whish?” As he unrobed he added: “Or do you want to fuck me? Fuck me, Alex, please.”

 

Afterwards they lay together on Roger’s obscenely huge bed, Alex’ back snugged firm against Roger’s chest. They were still naked, but Alex didn’t feel cold. The warmth of Roger’s charm had already cooled down somewhat but it was still warm enough to make Alex feel pleasant. Pleasant and calm and _normal_. He hadn’t felt this amount of calmness and self-worth (the noticeably sub-average amount of self-worth that had always been normal to him) for months. Not in a single day since he became Roger’s squire.

Roger caressed Alex’ face. He put very chaste almost-kisses on his neck. And he whispered sweet nothingnesses in his ear. Terms of endearment. How well Alex was doing as a lover. How good he made Roger feel. How important he was. How much he was needed for Roger’s plan to become king.

It was almost as if Roger loved Alex. Alex knew that this was very far from true. Still he couldn’t deny that he had never felt this loved in his life before. He had never felt loved before in a way that was romantic or sexual, at least. This wasn’t romance and it wasn’t love but it was sexual _(Or was it? Don’t fool yourself, it’s violent, even if it doesn’t feel so all the time)_ and that was what confused him.

“You love me.” Roger’s voice was so very, very sweet. “Yes, I do.” Alex didn’t. But he couldn’t say that he didn’t. He couldn’t act as if he didn’t. He couldn’t feel as if he didn’t. If a truth was something that could be tested or proven or even sensed or explained, then the fact that Alex didn’t love Roger had stopped to be true.

“So, you love me. Don’t you want to show it? Don’t you want to give something to me? A gift?” Alex felt Roger’s magic in his head and in his stomach. It made him feel giddy and somewhat sleepy at the same time. The lightning in the room had taken on an orange tinge. As if it was the evening sun. It wasn’t. It was Roger. Alex nodded.

“What is it? What do you want to give me? Tell me.”

They had never spoken about this before, but Alex knew exactly what to say: “My life. I want to give you my life. I want to die for you. Let me, _please_.”

Roger smiled. _He_ _is so beautiful. He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen._ “I will grant you that wish.”

Alex knew that this time Roger wasn’t lying.

 

*

 

Roger didn’t know about the letter. Alex was sure about that. If Roger knew he would have reacted. It wouldn’t have been a pleasant reaction. Alex made sure to read the letter whenever he felt secure to do so, which wasn’t often. Sometimes he thought about adding something new to the letter, but he found that he had put down all the most important things already back then he still had energy to do that.

 

*

 

Roger’s death didn’t change things the way Alex hoped it would. Not mourning Roger was impossible. Giving the letter to Jon was impossible. Hating Roger turned out to be even more difficult than when he was alive. Alex couldn’t fuel his hate with things Roger did to him. He had to rely on his memory and his memory was faulty. In the end he found himself working for the conspiracy to resurrect Roger. It didn’t bother him much.

 

*

 

It was either him or Alanna. One of them would die. _If I die, Alanna will kill him. If I kill Alanna, she can’t do that. So I will die. To be glad one last time._ Only when Alanna did kill him he remembered the conversation he had with Roger, years and a death ago, about him dying for Roger. Roger had wanted him to be killed by Alanna. Because Roger wanted to kill Alanna himself. Or perhaps because Roger wanted to die.

 

Doing what Roger wanted him to do was the last thing Alex wanted now. And the last thing he did.

 

*

 

“I told you that I don’t want to see any of his things.” King Jonathan didn’t even look up when Myles of Ohlau entered his private chamber. Jon had trusted him with cleaning out Alexander of Tirragen’s chamber for a reason. He never wanted to lay eyes on anything associated with that traitor again. Some things were not to be forgiven. Jonathan had considered Alexander of Tirragen a friend. Alexander of Tirragen had plotted to murder King Jonathan.

“You want to read this.” Myles hold a letter in his hand. It was only a single sheet, covered over and over in Alex’ very neat handwriting. Jon knew that handwriting all too well from endless lessons in his youth. He had always suspected that Alex truly wanted to be best at everything, to the point that he wanted to be best at calligraphy even if a casual note was all that was requested of him.

Jon didn’t expect much from the letter. A half-assed excuse for his actions, an attempt to restore his honour, perhaps. He never saw the actual content of that letter coming.

‘Duke Roger of Conté is a rapist’ was the first sentence. It didn’t get any less horrid from that on.

 

When King Jon had finished reading half of the letter his face was ashen. Without saying another word to Myles or anyone else he headed straight to Roger’s unadorned grave. After he was finished it looked as if Roger had been killed for a third time. This third death being the most violent one by far.

 

It were the final words of the letter that moved Jon to tears at last. They read:

‘I haven’t addressed this letter to Your Highness solely because Your Highness are my Prince and future King. I have another reason to want Your Highness to know the truth about me, to want that Your Highness may even keep some fond memories of my person: I have once loved you.

May your reign be a glorious one. May the Goddess always care for your needs both as a King and as a man.

 

In love and devotion,

Your knight and your friend, Lord Alexander of Tirragen’


End file.
